I'm sure you've heard of triggers - those events, words or images that bring on anxiety, panic, and/or depression. They induce the nervous system to start the 'flight or flight' response, convincing people that they are in imminent danger. The result is terror that seems completely illogical to everyone else, but is very, very real to the person feeling it.
I have intense anxiety, and many triggers to go along with it. I spend a lot of time trying to stay calm, and I just found a new way to help with that. It's called a glimmer. Glimmers also induce a response in the nervous system, but instead of bringing on fear and panic, they make the person feel safe, secure, and comfortable in their surroundings.
It helps, when feeling the onset of panic and anxiety, to look for glimmers. Notice the cute little kid walking by. Take a deep breath of the scent of an Italian restaurant as you pass. Feel the softness of a blanket or the fur of a beloved pet. However, if you can't find a glimmer around you, you can also keep a store of them in your memory, to draw out when you need it. And they can be anything that makes you feel happy - events, sights, sounds, or smells.
I'm going to share some of mine in the next few blogs, just in case they can become a glimmer for you too. And the first one is a memory of my first day in the Bodelian library. I had always heard about the oath that people had to take when they became a scholar there, and in my early adult years I longed to be part of that intellectual, academic world. I wanted to walk through that door, see the ancient books, read the words of geniuses long dead.
So, on the day I went to the Bodelian for the first time, I was quite literally shaking with excitement (and nerves - there's something about Oxford that makes me nervous). I went into the office to get my card, and a very nice librarian handed me the laminated card of the Bodelian oath. I had to read it out loud, which some might consider silly but I found absolutely delightful. After all, students had been taking that oath since 1602 - and now, I was one of them.
I finished the oath, and then couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sorry," I said. "I've been wanting to do that since I was a kid." I expected the librarian to be cynical of this enthusiasm, or even to find it funny, but instead a light lit in her eyes and I knew she was a kindred spirit. "Well," she said. "If you want the full experience, I have it in Latin."
So I took the oath in Latin too.
That lady gave me a memory I'll remember always that day, one that always makes me laugh - even when I'm anxious. It's one of my favourite glimmers.
Comments
Post a Comment